MySpace, My Kids
by: staff - Aug 21, 2007 - comment
MySpace, My Kids by Jason Illian (Harvest House Publishers, 2007)
Following media reports, you’d think MySpace.com was crawling with child predators. Jason Illian, author of MySpace MyKids, acknowledges the risks of the popular Web site, but believes there is plenty of good that can come from being a MySpace regular. Without parental oversight, youngsters can get themselves into trouble on the site, as they can elsewhere on the Web. Illian answers some questions about youngsters’ Internet use:
For those who haven’t been on the Internet to see what MySpace is all about, how do you describe it?
It’s an online community that is part chat room, part movie theater, part shopping mall, part bar, part concert, and part slumber party. But unlike the neighborhood skating rink or bowling alley, it is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Because each profile is a blank canvas for its owner, it is a place for everyone to express his or her individuality. It is called MySpace because it is literally “your space”—you can do with it whatever you please.
Things have certainly changed since we were children.
Today’s kids face challenges that were nonexistent when we were youngsters. The Internet, cable television, and lifelike video games make parenting more difficult than ever before. Relating to teenagers today is like climbing a greased pole—slippery, challenging, and often discouraging.
Do you believe MySpace has rightfully earned the bad rap it’s received in the press?
People naturally fear what they do not understand. Because of the negative press this online community has received recently, parents assume that MySpace is inherently bad. Not the case. Like any other piece of technology—the Internet, e-mail, cell phones—MySpace is simply a tool for leveraging communication and sharing information. But unfortunately, the better the tool is at effective communication, the worse it is when used improperly. This is certainly the case with MySpace. Used correctly, it can be a wonderful resource to talk to teenagers, share in their struggles, encourage their dreams, and nurture their growth. But used poorly, it can be equally destructive to teenagers’ overall development.
As in many cases, the technology is neutral; it’s what we do with it that can pose a threat to us.
One of the main problems with MySpace is not the technology but the users. Users can lie, manipulate, and deceive one another. Most people don’t do those things to intentionally hurt other people. They lie about their age, income, or profession to protect their pride. Many people are uncomfortable in their own skin, so they exaggerate their profiles to make themselves sound more intelligent, more beautiful, or more desirable than they really are. Teens often exaggerate for the same reasons. They desperately want to be liked and want to be part of the in crowd. Kids go through many phases in the growth process and often experiment with their personalities and characteristics in an effort to find themselves. For the most part, this is a natural and healthy process, but danger creeps in when the people molding and influencing kids are not the parents but online strangers. We want our kids to find themselves, but we don’t want them to be found by others, either physically or emotionally. We can’t control what other people are going to do or how they are going to use MySpace, but we can guide our kids to make sure they are not easy targets.
You’ve said MySpace actually offers a unique insight into issues some young people may be struggling with.
In many instances, MySpace doesn’t create problems, it simply reveals them. Teenagers face difficult decisions and peer pressure nearly every day. Some parents don’t want to admit that their children struggle with sexual temptations, drinking opportunities, drug-related issues, depression, or loneliness. But most teenagers do face most of these pressures. In the past, parents were able to turn a blind eye to these issues and act as if they didn’t exist. But in the virtual world, teens are writing down their problems and reaching out for help. Instead of guessing about or ignoring the issues that teenagers have, we have the unique opportunity through portals such as MySpace to understand their problems and provide help.
Could it be that in most cases the MySpace community is actually safer than my neighborhood?
The flood of recent reports may feel like an epidemic, but when put in context, it is probably overblown. The number of incidents linked to MySpace is considerably lower than the number of real-world cases. According to a National Center of Juvenile Justice report based on an analysis of data collected by the FBI, about 15,700 statutory rapes were reported to the authorities in the United States in 2000. That is about 43 cases per day. California, a state with a population of 33 million, averaged 62 rape convictions a month in the late 1990s. MySpace currently has 100 million members and has far fewer reported rape allegations. We might argue that being on MySpace is safer than living in California! To put things in perspective, go to familywatchdog.us and type in your home address. Familywatchdog.us is a national registry of sex offenders and predators, and the site will display a map of all the known offenders within a ten-mile radius of your home. What you will see will shock you. All the people I know who have entered in their home address have pulled up several sex offenders in their areas.
In the end, it comes back to the parents to provide the necessary oversight—no matter what activity their children are engaged in.
I want to make this point as clear as possible so that nobody misses it—you, the parents, are ultimately responsible for your children’s growth and well-being. God has entrusted them to you and empowered you to be their guardian, protector, provider, and leader. No Scripture allows you to default on your responsibility or shift it to another source, such as culture, the television, or the Internet. When you stand before the Lord, He will hold you accountable for your godly influence on your children—or your lack thereof.
In the Old Testament, Eli was considered a successful priest, but his parenting left much to be desired. When he did not correct his sons for their outlandish behavior, God said, “For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them” (1 Samuel 3:13). Because Eli did not take his parental duties seriously, both his children and his family suffered. The same will happen with our families if we do not step up to the plate.
Concerned parents always want to do a better job of nurturing their children.
I’ve been speaking to teens for years, and as most parents know, the hardest thing to accomplish is to get your kids to share their struggles as well as their joys. Most parents want to be involved in their children’s lives, but they have trouble relating to them. The beauty of MySpace is that it empowers teens to openly share their lives. For parents who are looking for ways to relate to their teens, this can be a huge open door. Wise parents won’t spy on their kids like Big Brother, but they will use this innovative tool to cleverly monitor and build relationships.
So MySpace can be a useful parental tool if we avail ourselves of it.
Fortunately, MySpace is an environment where parents can quickly get caught up on their children’s lives and can be involved to whatever degree they desire. Instead of just hearing about your children from the neighbors or Dr. Phil, try walking a mile in your kids’ shoes. The best way to get to know your teens is to walk with them, even if their strides are measured in megabytes. Before you pull out your magnifying glass, let me remind you that we don’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to follow our kids—we just need to have Sherlock homes. We don’t need a degree in private investigation to know what our teens are doing online. We just need to be interested and involved in all aspects of their lives.
And parents’ primary responsibility is to provide boundaries for their children.
Your number one priority is to guard your children’s hearts. As Scripture wisely notes, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Kids are not equipped to guard their own hearts, and we have to help them until they are mature enough to leave the nest. Regardless of how strong their wings are, if their hearts are damaged, they will not be able to soar the way God intended them to. Our responsibility is to protect them, nurture them, grow them, and at the right time, push them out of the nest so they become eagles themselves.
Excerpted from MySpace, MyKids by Jason Illian (Harvest House Publishers, 2007). Also visit myspacemykids.com.
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